(1) I hastily packed for my pilgrimage, fitting as much as I could into my gas guzzling eight-cylinder-black- Lexus convertible. The words reprehensible, cowardly, and reputation struck me in the back of my head like a migraine. "You are better than that." I heard a voice like silk whisper into the chambers of my soul. I knew not where my life's passage would take me, so I let the melodic voices that echoed like a haunting symphony in my head guide me. Instinct and ghosts of generations past instructed me to go west. On August 11, 2007, I left my Tudor home in South Beach and drove into the great unknown past a tsunami of debt that left a wave of For Sale and Foreclosure signs littered across the beautiful Florida coastline. I drove past the wild fires of Alligator Alley on I-75 and made my first stop for gas at a Citgo Petrol Station in Fort Myers, Florida. I could not believe my eyes as I drove up to the crowded filling station. The sign read: Regular Unleaded $4.99 per gallon. I slid my credit card into the slot, shoved the nozzle in the gas tank and after securing my vehicle went off to use the restroom at the busy convenience store. (2) When I entered the surprisingly clean, white-tiled men’s room, I noticed a burly man with white hair and chubby cheeks exiting one of the bathroom stalls. He wore a grey Armani suit and approached me like an ogre. “Take this you will need it.” The stranger handed me a silver 5 ounce container with his hairy, meaty hands. "Dude! What the..." I huffed. The container fell into my moist palm as I pushed him away from me. "Relax, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to guide you." The mystery man held his left hand out in greeting. I half-heartedly tried shaking his hand in an effort to return the mysterious offering that laid heavy in my palm, but he refused to take it. "Oh! I'm sorry." He said as he pulled his arm back. "Never shake with the left, right?" "Right. Look, I'm not going to shake your hand. You just came out of that stall without washing your hands." "How do you know where I came from?" He said with a great big grin on his face. "I don't want any trouble. I just saw you step out of that stall." (3) "So what are you in here for?" He asked. I just looked at him without saying a word. "Don't act all innocent. Everyone's in here for something. What are you doing here?" "I came here to pee." "Oh you did, did you? You came here to pee." "Yes, and uh, what business is that of yours?" "I own your private parts. That's why it's my business." I turned to look in the mirror and unexpectedly saw myself in a United States Naval Academy Midshipman Plebe uniform. "Get down and give me twenty, you maggot!" A man who called himself my Commander in Chief barked at me. Fear almost had me down on my knees when instinct took over and I asked the stranger, "What? You own my private parts?" "I own your ass. I'm in your mind. I'm here to guide you on your journey. Now shut up and listen. I've got some important things to say."
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