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"God made me a businessman
Government made me a soldier
Media made me an artist"
Watch the story unfold, click here for the most recent chapter
Chapter I (01-10) SPIDERS
I found myself in a room full of spiders.
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Chapter I (11-18) VISION
Evil surrounded me in my restless slumber.
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Chapter I (19-24) GHOSTS
I was on a mission from God.
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Chapter II (01-09) JOURNEY
He approached me like an ogre.
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Chapter II (10-22) STRANGER
Beware of which witch is which.
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Chapter II (23-30) MYSTIC
Got a bottle of sin in your pants?
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Chapter II (31-39) CONVENIENCE
All I found was a lonely world of lost travelers.
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Chapter II (40-47) CLARITY
Had God spoken to me in a vision?
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Chapter III (01--09) CHRISTIAN
Crackhead Jesus, witches and nuclear subs.
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Chapter III (10-22) HISTORY
No one fucks with the Mouse's lawyers.
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Chapter III (23-33) NUKES
I heard a cock crow for the third time.
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Chapter III (34-42) BREAD & CIRCUS
That totally changes the story. That totally changes history.
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Chapter III (43-51) MISTER ROGERS
"Call me, Mr. Rogers." Crackhead Jesus said.
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Chapter III (52-59) REDEMPTION
All I'm asking for is another chance.
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Chapter III (60-66) BARABAS
Crackhead Jesus had a funny way of morphing into things.
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Chapter III (67-74) CONCEPTION
On the day Crackhead Jesus was born the housing bubble burst.
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Chapter IV (01-07) TOXIC TRAILERS
Baby Daddy.
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Chapter IV (08-12) HURRICANE KATRINA
Vivid memories lifted me out of my momentary lapse of reasoning.
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Chapter IV (13-18) FRENCH QUARTER
Bourbon Street had become even more depraved.
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Chapter IV (19-25) PRETTY AUTHORITY
"I've never seen any of this in the media."
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Chapter IV (26-35) PROTECT & SERVE
I made my way back into the beautiful chaos.
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Chapter IV (36-48) BRIGHT PINK
New Orleans had become the cesspool of the United States.
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Chapter IV (49-57) CLOSET SPACE
You'd be surprised to see what good women will do for closet space.
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Chapter V (01-14) HAIL MARY
I came upon an old woman who called herself Mary.
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Chapter V (15-23) PERCEPTIONS
A third alternate perception penetrated my weary thoughts.
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Chapter V (24-34) DREAMS
White noise and a stale smell permeated the room.
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Chapter V (35-41) ELECTIONS
I was back in Mary's healing hands.
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Chapter V (42-48) STRONG MINORITY
"Why do you talk of demons?"
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Chapter V (49-57) FALLEN PRIESTS
It's all bullocks!
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Chapter V (58-68) NAUGHTINESS
Were it not for my mother you wouldn't be pushing into me later tonight.
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Chapter V (69-80) MAMASON
You Michael Jackson. Get out!
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Chapter VI (01-11) MEMBERS ONLY
Swallow it if you want to go down the litigation vortex.
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Chapter VI (12-25) D.C. MADAM
Louisiana Republican Senator on the D.C. Madam's escort service list.
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CHAPTER VI (26-38) STONES
Who the hell is Crackhead Jesus?
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Chapter VI (39-58) CHAOS
Did you say you is outside the Bankgok Spa?
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Chapter VI (59-77) BANGCOCK SPA
Sometimes there's not much you can do about things.
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Chapter VII (01-06) FEMA
What FEMA has done is unconscionable.
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Chapter VII (07-17) AMERICAN REFUGEE
That's where you'll see what they don't want you to see.
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Chapter VII (18-25) HUMAN CONDITION
I had driven upon hell on earth down near the Bayou.
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Chapter VII (26-34) PAIN
The mind is easier to break than spirit.
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Chapter VII (35-44) PURGATORY
Go tell the world about Crackhead Jesus.
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Chapter VIII (01-08) BLACK JEW
I was curious to see what I looked like as a black man
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Chapter VIII (09-16) FREE SPEECH
You are free to leave at any time.
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Chapter VIII (17-23) STRANGE LAND
I was a stranger in a strange land.
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Chapter IX (01-07) TREE OF WISDOM
I was an eccentric Rock & Roll artist on a mission from God.
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Chapter IX (08-19) STUMP OF WISDOM
When I arrived at the Tree of Wisdom all I found was a stump.
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Chapter IX (20-29) PUFFY NIPPLES
I tore myself away from Britney's hypnotic puffy nipples.
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Chapter IX (30-37) ADAM & EVE
Make yourself aware of what is out there in your world.
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Chapter IX (38-45) DISTRACTIONS
She stared into my confusion and nursed me with her sour milk.
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Chapter X (01-10) FATHER CRISTOBAL
Those are the local Jena porn stars.
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Chapter X (11-22) BORN AGAIN
Just about everyone in this town is secretly addicted to internet porn.
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Chapter X (23-31 ) NAMES
Sheriff marries world famous porn star.
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Chapter X (32-43) EMPIRE
The Doctor may be rich but he's no Rupert Murdoch.
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Chapter X (44-55) TRANSGENDER ROCK
9/11 Tora! Tora! Tora!
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Chapter XI (01-12) TWO TIX IN 1 DAY
Pizza Hut coupon found in crack heads pipe.
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Chapter XI (13-21) JESUS & MR. BEAN
Welcome to Alice In Wonderland.
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Chapter XI (22-33) CANNIBALS
That movie is based on a true story, isn't it
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Chapter XI (34-43) VORTEX
I found myself staring at a driver's license that read Timothy Brady.
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Chapter XI (44-52) URGES
Day had turned into night, when I heard a police siren.
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Chapter XI (53-61) AUTHORITY
That would be unethical, now wouldn't it
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Chapter XI (62-73) FENCES
Do unto others.
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Chapter XI (74-84) PRINCIPLES
My thoughts wandered off into visions of runway models.
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Chapter XII (01-11) WALTER REED
The sight I saw next filled me with an unimaginable dread.
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Chapter XII (12-21) POP STAR
And so the memories washed over me like a symphony.
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Chapter XII (22-34) THE DOCTOR
I had a vision of a 900 foot Jesus when my soul left my body
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Chapter XII (35-46) SWASTIKAS
There were cameras set up at Auschwitz. You think the Jews felt any safer?
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Chapter XII (47-59) SOCIAL SECURITY
We're talking about mirrors, not foreheads, Doctor.
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Chapter XII (60-77) PRESIDENTS
I'm the silent voice of the people.
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Chapter XII (78-89) THE DECIDER
Listen Kid, I paid good money for those signing statements.
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Chapter XII (90-99) BUREAUCRACY
The need for action is clear
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Chapter XII (100-108) ZEITGEIST
My Manlight was nearly drained when I saw the good Doctor walk up to me.
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Chapter XIII (01-10) HAPPINESS
I never forgave him for changing the course of my destiny.
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Chapter XIII (11-22) LIE ABILITY
So, against my recommendations nothing got done.
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Chapter XIII (23-32) MATH & POLITICS
The arithmetic in my head was starting to make sense.
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Chapter XIII (33-47) TENANTS
She's fucked. I'm out of here.
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Chapter XIII (48-58) MORE DREAMS
I felt happy for the judge and my headache went away.
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Chapter XIV (01-07) USA TODAY
For next President, USA likely to call on a lawyer.
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Chapter XIV (08-19) ROSWELL
The world can sometimes be a scary place.
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Chapter XIV (20-32) IMIGRACION
The immigration issue is a hot topic around here, huh?
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Chapter XV (01-09) NEWS 10 KBIM
So, tell me about Crackhead Jesus.
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Chapter XV (10-18) CAPICUA
The title would be blasphemous if it was about Jesus Christ but it's not.
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Chapter XV (19-27) BLASPHEMY
The Maverick Bible.
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Chapter XV (28-34) PRIVATE IDAHO
I didn't create Crackhead Jesus, God did.
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Chapter XV (35-45) METAMORPHOSIS
There is no truth.
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Chapter XV (46-55) COURAGE
The truth will set you free.
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Chapter XV (56-65) TRUST
Water is life.
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Chapter XV (66-75) STAR WARS
Artists step in where the news media have failed.
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Chapter XV (76-83) REAGAN
Crowds are fickle. Leaders and artists know that.
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Chapter XV (84-91) MONKEY
Jesus did some time in jail and was crucified next to a murderer and a thief.
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Chapter XV (92-98) JUDAS
The Gospel According to Judas.
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Chapter XV (99-110) PLAME
Tell it to the Bar Association President Henry Coxe. He created the law
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Chapter XV (111-120) COXE
If Coxe finds my actions to be a conflict of interest his sex life will be over.
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Chapter XV (121-128) PILATE
Sweetheart, Jesus didn't make my case in front of the Judge easy.
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Chapter XV (129-142) PHARISEES
Our trusted officials let us down. The community passively observed it and accepted it as truth.
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Chapter XV (143-154) THE BIG G
Why do people submit written complaints to the Florida Bar Association?
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Chapter XV (155-165) WICCA
Ronald Reagan's monkey spoke to me.
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Chapter XV (166-173) WINE
Crackhead Jesus is about simplifying your life to the point of finding eternal peace.
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Chapter XV (174-180) INTERVIEW
We are trying to just raise peaceful awareness in a new peace movement.
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Chapter XVI (01-11) MEMORIES
Victory goes to he who endures the most.
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Chapter XVI (12-21) WORM HOLE
Signing statements are the future of law and Constitution.
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Chapter XVI (22-31) JUSTICE
Apparently I had come back as the revolutionary French artist, author, and poet.
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Chapter XVI (32-43) COURT
I saw the face of Crackhead Jesus resting in the wilderness.
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Chapter XVI (44-56) CONFUSION
The Court looked confused.
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Chapter XVI (57-70) CRONYISM
I felt my cells fumbling towards ecstasy when I placed myself back on track.
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Chapter XVI (71-87) CURIOSITY
Crackhead Jesus had forced us all together in the halls of justice that day.
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Chapter XVI (88-96) LEGALESE
The building I used to call home looked like a Baghdad high rise.
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Chapter XVI (97-108) WORDS
I'm here to find out what constitutes poor judgement in the eyes of this Court.
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Chapter XVI (109-119) PROBABILITY
Was I being asked by the Court to summon Crackhead Jesus as a witness?
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Chapter XVI (120-133) DISCOVERY
I could tell by the Courts expression that something foul was amiss.
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Chapter XVI (134-144) BLACK HOLE
I saw Crackhead Jesus standing on the other side of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge.
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Chapter XVI (145-156) ETHICS
You're in a Catch 22 situation.
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Chapter XVI (157-166) WITCHES
The Court approached me wearing a white wig and black stiletto heels.
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Chapter XVI (167-178) TRINITY
I felt renewed strength when I turned to face my Judge again.
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Chapter XVI (179-189) DISTRUST
Are you in any way, shape, or form recording this?
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Chapter XVI (190-206) POP
Who's watching the law makers?
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Chapter XVI (207-217) THE GAME
It's George Orwell's 1984 imploding on itself.
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Chapter XVII (01-09) PRO SE
Crackhead Jesus built a sand castle while Aaron R. Cohen received fellatio from the Bench.
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Chapter XVII (10-19) RHETORIC
A certain amount of rhetoric is necessary to make a point.
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Chapter XVII (20-31) RULES
I felt like I was slowly beginning to learn the rules of the game.
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Chapter XVII (32-41) MOTION
The Three Muses gave me the strength to speak up before the Judge.
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Chapter XVII (42-49) DOMINATRIX
The Witches hovering above the courtroom wore crotchless pants and no underwear.
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Chapter XVII (50-61) FROGS
Crackhead Jesus and I seemed to be the only ones who noticed the chaos.
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Chapter XVII (62-73) UNABLED
Crackhead Jesus and the Jewish attorney looked over at me and smiled.
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Chapter XVII (74-80) FLORIDA BAR
You must always be able to differentiate which Witch is which.
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Chapter XVII (81-95) SCRUTINY
Frustration crawled through my brain like an army of spiders.
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Chapter XVII (96-108) OBJECTIONS
Now that you know the system is set up for profit, not justice, don't you feel empowered?
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Chapter XVII (109-123) FASCISM
Lawyers, judges, & Congress are creating a world filled with beautiful chaos, can't you see?
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Chapter XVII (124-134) STEROIDS
Think of the Litigation Vortex as The Bermuda Triangle of Law.
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Chapter XVII (135-144) OVERRULED
If the gloves don't fit, you must acquit.
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Chapter XVII (145-155) CLAUSE
I'm not even necessarily accepting the truth of the matters asserted here today.
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Chapter XVII (156-164) PAPER
I felt a 900 Foot Jesus and one of his disciples staring over my shoulder.
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Chapter XVII (165-176) STEPFORD WIVES
It does seem like Americans have forgotten what a democracy is doesn't it?
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Chapter XVII (177-185) DEADBEAT
The words 'deadbeat' are going to be stricken as well as 'scandalous'.
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Chapter XVII (186-196) INTERROGATION
Wasn't that the same Doctor who tried to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge during the Housing Boom?
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Chapter XVII (197-209) LEADERS
It's the American Dream, Kid. Don't you want to live it?
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Chapter XVII (210-221) MANIPULATOR
Welcome to the brave new real world.
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Chapter XVII (222-231) ST. JOHN'S UNIV.
All I saw of his face was a wide grin and blood splattered cheeks.
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Chapter XVII (232-242) OCTAVES
Paragraph Thirteen sang to me in a torrential Mezzo-soprano.
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Chapter XVII (243-253) CAVEAT EMPTOR
The Defendant asks the court to grant permission for a lie detector test.
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Chapter XVII (254-266) DEFENDANT
You didn't sue them, they sued you.
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Chapter XVII (267-282) WHO ARE YOU?
It felt like amnesia when I was struck with a crippling identity crisis in court.
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Chapter XVII (283-296) WHO
I howled at the Moon like a lead singer in a rock and roll band.
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Chapter XVII (297-306) SAMO
I'm the artist with one name like Prince, Sting or Madonna, except my first name is hyphenated
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Chapter XVII (307-322) CASSIUS CLAY
I'm the common man searching for answers and justice that's who I am.
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Chapter XVII (323-332) STING
I was flashing through space and time in a musical worm hole.
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Chapter XVII (333-345) SHULL
The Court had turned into a spectacle.
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Chapter XVII (346-358) HERNDON
Crackhead Jesus watched calmly as the roof of the Court House was raised.
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Chapter XVII (359-373) PAWNS
My tongue turned into plastic, then rubber before bouncing out of my mouth.
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Chapter XVIII (01-06) PASTELS
Iridescent pastels encompassed my being as I sat beside God's Private Golf Course creating memories.
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Chapter XVIII (07-19) VICTOR HUGO
A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought.
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Chapter XVIII (20-30) PERRY FERREL
Without clear and honest communication there can be no love.
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Chapter XVIII (31-42) COLORS
The three colors mixed together so beautifully that soon all the colors of the rainbow were thinking outside the box.
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Chapter XVIII (43-62) LOVE
What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!
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Chapter XVIII (63-75) OXYCONTIN
Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart.
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Chapter XVIII (76-89) FETISH PARTY
I observed this behavior with great intrigue and natural curiosity.
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Chapter XIX (01-13) WANKER
The Australian Consulate backs this money, Mate I ain't handing you no Kiwi check.
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Chapter XIX (14-25) DEREK & CLIVE
Memories and instances popped in and out of my mind like unstoppable commercials.
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Chapter XIX (26-35) HORNS
Respect the horn.
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Chapter XIX (36-48) CIRCUIT JUDGE
The guy getting his balls stomped on by the pretty red head is a District Attorney.
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Chapter XIX (49-58) POWER
That is a very powerful man. You will never know his name.
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Chapter XX (01-08) XANTERA
My subconscious pointed my human compass in the direction of Flagstaff Arizona.
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Chapter XX (09-16) METEOR CRATER
Barringer MeteoriteCrater: The best preserved impact crater in the world
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Chapter XX (17-29) SMACK DOWN
A huge iron-nickel meteorite weighing several hundred thousand tons smacked down right over there.
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Chapter XX (30-43) ELOISE
There are invisible diamonds at the bottom of that crater, Mister.
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Chapter XX (44-64) ABLATION
Do you know about Creationism, Mister?
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Chapter XX (55-70) BRECCIA LENS
The young girl screamed so loud I thought she would shatter the glass walls that surrounded us.
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Chapter XX (71-83) COON BUTTE
I felt Eloise pushing me towards a compromising position that lied somewhere between truth, sincerity, and commitment.
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Chapter XX (84-95) DARFUR
Dr. Eugene Shoemaker and his wife proved that remnants of outer space are down in that meteor crater hole.
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Chapter XX (96-105) SUDAN
She went insane. She was catatonic throughout her pregnancy.
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Chapter XX (106-117) NATURE
If you only knew who walks beside you at all times on the path you have chosen, you would never experience fear again.
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Chapter XXI (01-10) NUMB
I became the music within the confines of the cavernous hole.
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Chapter XXI (11-24) BLACK MAN
I have become comfortably numb.
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Chapter XXI (25-36) LONE STRANGER
The lone stranger began to look like a cancer inside earth's belly.
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Chapter XXI (37-50) HOME
Nobody sent me. I came of my own free will.
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Chapter XXI (51-63) TECHNOLOGY
You can say whatever you want about this place but you have no idea what's down here.
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Chapter XXI (64-76) SMALL WORLD
Are you here to lecture me or are you a Seventh Day Adventist?
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Chapter XXI (77-87) QUESTIONS
Because we were all born of the original mother Eve we are all tempted by the forbidden apple.
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Chapter XXI (88-98) BARRY WHITE
I couldn't bring myself to call the Minister who looked like the Maestro of Love, Jesus.
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Chapter XXI (99-107) PEACE CORPS
Your problem is that you see only what you have been taught to look for by those who trained you.
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Chapter XXI (108-119) SEQUEL
Do you see what I say?
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Chapter XXI (120-129) GLASS VIAL
You will find that human rights are not absolute.
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Chapter XXI (130-141) BROTHERS
Didn't you notice something strange when you reached the floor of this crater?
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Chapter XXI (142-155) TIME
Time slows down when you enter this place haven't you noticed.
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Chapter XXI (156-166) OUTSIDE
The man in black strummed the guitar like an angel wearing Robert Johnson's hands.
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Chapter XXI (167-175) KARMA
The lyrics sent me hurtling into another time and place.
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Chapter XXI (176-183) UGLY INSIDE
I saw circles and squares when I heard the man in black sing.
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Chapter XXI (184-193) PINK DOLLAR
I realized I was sitting in a house of lies
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Chapter XXI (194-204) SHIPMAN
I can see through you, I see the real you.
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Chapter XXI (205-215) GOSPEL
I was being exalted by masses. I had become a man of the cloth. I was a minister once again.
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Chapter XXI (216-225) SALVATION
"Cause inside your ugly." The man in black sang.
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Chapter XXI (226-235) MATHEW 7:12
I realized it would be the only Bible passage I would ever commit to memory.
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